Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
