she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
