I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
