Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
