Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
