Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
