If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
