her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
