He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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