24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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