The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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