peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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