I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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