Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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