wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
