he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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