i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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