Sry I called you an 8
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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