I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
