u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
