One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
