Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
