you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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