Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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