how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
