if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
