i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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