respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
