if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Less talking, more tequila
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
