People in love make me want to vomit
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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