Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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