the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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