I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
