why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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