Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
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