Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
