So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
