So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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