I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
