I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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