Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
