hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
