so that wasnt chicken after all
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
