i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
