She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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