I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
