I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
