he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
