after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
