How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
