i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
