He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
